Alternate History

Recognition is a key element in the Wheel of Sustainability. It refers to the telling of stories to lock in commitment to a critical change. Once someone tells a story as if they were there, it’s an indication of their commitment to the change. Recognition happens in many places. Sometimes it’s in a business setting, other times it’s personal. This is a story of personal Recognition.

In my family, when one family member takes credit for something that everyone else remembers someone else doing, we call that “alternate history.”

My mother was really good at creating alternate history. The thing is, we never argued about it, because it was always a fond memory. Why spoil her fun and Recognition of a story she treasured? Here’s an example:

I met my Peggy, my wife, on a blind date, well before the days of online dating. People actually knew someone they thought you might like going out with. I worked with her sister, who set us up. How could I say no? Our first date was fun and we got along very well. We dated for over a year and people started to wonder if we would take our relationship to the next level and get married.

Peggy and I were happy to live independently. We never talked about marriage. We felt fortunate to have someone with whom we could be ourselves and enjoy being around. We had many adventures we still talk about to this day.

My parents loved Peggy and made it clear they were happy we found each other. One day they were visiting me in North Carolina. My father, who didn’t typically get too involved in my personal business, took me aside.

He was a man of few words, but I’ll never forget what he said: “Can you imagine your life without Peggy?” I couldn’t, and it wasn’t many hours later when I proposed marriage. The words came out in the middle of the mulch aisle of a hardware store. We decided to not tell anyone until we had a few days to confirm we were serious.

Over the years, the story changed. My mother took credit for saying those words to me. She was so proud she was able to influence her son, the confirmed bachelor. Peggy and I laughed about it. We never corrected Mom. Dad didn’t either. Her Recognition of her influence on me showed how much she treasured our relationship. Mom and Dad are gone now, but this fond memory remains. It’s my Recognition of the love they shared. Now I’m sharing it with you.